Do you have to be mentally unstable to see a counsellor??

There's a lot of stigma attached to mental illness and also to counselling. There's a belief that if you are having trouble with your life or your emotions that you are mentally unstable. If you are seeing a counsellor that there is something "wrong" with you. Perhaps this stigma is partially responsible for people hesitating before going to a counsellor and waiting until their whole lives are unravelling before them before they consider seeking help with getting things back on track.  The truth is mentally stable people seek out help for themselves if they find themselves struggling with issues in their lives. Mentally unstable people rarely seek help or if they are in counselling it's been mandated by the courts. They are mainly at counselling because somebody else has identified that there maybe a mental health issue there. However, this is not always the case. Having times of instability is part of living and seeking help when that instability is impacting your life in a way that results in feeling out of control is completely fine.

What is mental instability or mental illness. I think most people experience some kind of instability at some stage in their lives. Having feelings of confusion and uncertainty isn't necessarily considered mental instability. Having periods of great sadness isn't necessarily depression. Having fluctuating moods isn't necessarily bipolar disorder. Emotions are not always going along in a flat line. Sometimes sadness is the appropriate response or anxiety may be warranted given the surrounding circumstances. It's not your job to diagnose yourself. It's not even the job of a counsellor or GP to diagnose mental illness as I have said in the previous blogs. Getting help is important, how you get help and who you get help from is really irrelevant. In the long term your life will improve if you are no longer struggling or you learn something about yourself having overcome that struggle.

Mentally aware and emotionally aware people seek help when they feel they aren't coping. They do this because they have a high level of self awareness.  This is a thing counsellors are looking for in the assessment of their clients. Do they have a good understanding of themselves? are they internal thinkers or external thinkers? We like to see internal thinkers because they are most likely able to see their part in their current circumstances and are more likely to take part in any interventions. Their problem is taking on too much responsibility and the solution for them is as I say "pass the responsibility back to the appropriate person, like its a hot rock".  As counsellors we love to see people who are keen to do some homework are able to contribute to their own wellbeing. It's much harder to work with external thinkers because these people are normally telling themselves that there is nothing wrong with them it's everyone else's fault their life has turned upside down. Their solutions usually involves other people doing things for them rather than them doing something for themselves. However, often external thinkers will have moments of clarity where they might say "I don't know why I can't do...." quickly followed by "it's  probably because my wife/husband..."

Another common thing I see around University and also in my various work places is calling someone "a victim". External thinkers may be labeled in this way. They are being a victim therefore I can't help them.  This whole victim thing annoys me no end as I see it as an excuse professionals use to shut down and not help people. I've heard it said so often that if I had a dollar for every time I heard it I would totally be a billionaire now. The truth is that people do learn to be helpless if they have been victimised. Then they have some professional or well meaning friend wack the label of "Victim Mentality" on them. This then makes the client shut down and a victim again of poor professional management. The fact of the matter is that often these people have suffered terrible abuse or have constantly been attacked for their inability to change things in their lives. Sometimes people really are victims and they need to be heard, once they are heard they are able to move on.

I would ask that if you, as a professional, find yourself popping the "Victim Label" on your clients to take another look at why you have done that. I would be asking myself how can I approach this client to get the best results. This is why we have supervision and why we should always be looking toward how we as professionals can grow from the experience of assisting everyone who comes to us no matter what label is put upon them. There's always referral if you aren't able to help someone and pointing the finger at the client is not a good idea under any circumstance. It's ok to be a victim. There are actual victims; victims of cancer, of child abuse, of permanent physical disabilities. It's completely ok to have moments of sadness about being harmed and being a victim. Life gives us these things that are out of our control. Victims become survivors. It's the job of professionals to give people every opportunity to move through the process to become a survivor.

The facts are that not everyone is a fully self actualised human being, who is totally centered in the world around them, who is able to move through their life without being a victim or a perpetrator or having any number of problems. It shows great strength to be able to admit that something is wrong and that you need help from a professional. It is a great joy to see my clients move through the process of counselling to become a bit closer to being the best version of themselves. It's really a huge thing. To answer the question: Do you have to be mentally unstable to see a counsellor? The answer is no. All you have to be is a human who is perfectly imperfect seeking assistance in getting the best results for yourself.

References

Corey, G. (2009). Theory and Practice of Counselling and Psychotherapy. Belmont CA: Brooks/Cole.

Gerald, D., & Gerald, K. (2001). Basic Personal Counselling. Frenchs Forest NSW: Pearson Education Australia.

Gerrig, R. J. (2009). Psychology and Life. French Forest NSW: Pearson Education Australia.